Derailed by Everyday Life
I remember the last time I fell in love. I was on a high for the first year .¨ we both were. We were excited and happy for the foundation we were building for our future. Each date brought us closer together as we got to know one another. We realized how much we had in common and were certain these were signs we were meant to be together. That first year, we were both exhausted from staying up all night talking on the phone, texting and making love every chance we got. We were late for dinners, missed movies and didn’t see our friends much. It was a blast!
After the first year, though, things started to change. We couldn’t keep up with the all-nighters, going to work tired and missing other appointments. We had to get back to regular sleep hours, regular work hours and seeing other people. We weren’t on the phone as much and although we thought about each other, it wasn’t every waking moment like it was in the beginning. Date nights began to dwindle in numbers. Eventually, those disappeared completely. I want to be clear, the romance faded, but not the love. The love grew in a different way and, nine years on, we are still together. But, what happened to the romance and the intimacy? I’ll tell you what happened. Life happened.
The change, to a degree, is a natural part of the evolution of any relationship; as natural as the excitement and unending sex in the first year. If you ask anyone who has been through this first year, they will tell you it is impossible to keep up this pace. In fact, it would be unhealthy to do so in more ways than one. But, as the years gathered between us, we didn’t hold hands much, we didn’t share passionate kisses much and we didn’t make love much. It was noticeable. Many couples share the same pattern.
The excuses for not being able to carve out romantic us time anymore is list that includes the kids, jobs, dogs and cats, other family and friend commitments, charity and volunteering activities, book clubs and more. But, these are excuses. Not making time to make love and connect intimately leaves us with a relationship that is out of balance. Let’s face it, we all seem to make time for the things we really want to do.
We don’t have to let anything stand in the way of our love life. And deep down, I believe we all long to reconnect with the deep, energizing and beautiful intimacy that we shared with our lover in the beginning. It’s time for us to come full circle, get back to basics and rebalance our relationship – both for the fun of it and for the health of it.
Coming Full Circle
When we don’t touch each other, whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears and make love on a regular basis, it actually feels weird when we finally do. I tried blowing in my partner’s ear last week to get the ball rolling, as it were, and all I got was, “Stop that, I’m trying to watch TV.” We have become disconnected from one of the wonderful things that brought us together and solidified the relationship with our partner in the first place. While companionship is a beautiful part of every relationship, romance and intimacy are, too.
A friend of mine has been married for 30 years. She and her husband still make love a couple of times a week. When some of my other friends heard this, they were shocked; as if this is an amazing achievement. But, this is, in fact, normal. My friend and her husband have managed to find the balance between the demands of work, kids and the fun of being lovers. It may seem like a tall order in today’s day and age with all of the stuff we have on our calendars, but it is completely do-able.
When we work together as a couple, collaborating on how we want our relationship to look, we can do anything. So, talk with your partner to see if this is something you would both like to do together. If you do, then make changes in your schedules. Your kids don’t have to be involved in everything and you don’t have to work all the time. Make the time.
Romance and intimacy might not feel exactly same as it was in the beginning, but it will be equally good in a different way. At this stage, not only do we have love, we have history together. That can bring about a new kind of excitement in the love-making arena. And there is a bonus for us, too, since intimacy and making love are super healthy for us! Let’s start a new slogan: “Make love for the health of it!”
Get Romantic- Get Healthy
When someone asked Suzanne Somers the secret to staying young and healthy she attributed it to making love with her husband every day. Scientifically speaking, making love releases the hormones that make us happy and healthy. Not only is it a fun part of a relationship, science has shown it keeps us younger and helps us live longer, too. Making love boosts the immune system, burns calories, helps us sleep better, relieves stress and cures headaches. One of the coolest side effects of making love is that it reduces pain because it releases oxytocin in the body. This means period pain, arthritis pain and migraines may be reduced just by having an orgasm with your partner on a regular basis.
Making love not only relieves headaches, it surrenders us to a higher level of love than we could experience anywhere else or by ourselves. It is an opportunity to have a closer relationship with each other on a unified front, especially when we are open to discuss our likes, dislikes and fantasies.
One of the healthiest things we can do is connect with each other. It makes our heart sing. And if we look at the number one most preventable illness in the United States today, heart disease, we can see that we are not connecting with each other enough. Beliefs, thinking and actions are strongly correlated with the kinds of illnesses we have. It is time for us to pay attention to these connections.
Intimacy in our relationship brings us back to that space that is completely normal and natural for us. So, start holding hands again, whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears and make time to make love .¨ fall in love all over again. It will do you and your relationship a world of good!