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Sexuality and Sophistication

Is it possible to be both a sexual women and a sophisticated women? Yes. Sexuality and sophistication are two sides of the same coin that not only go together but are complimentary terms.

A self empowered women is a sexual woman. A sexual woman is a self empowered woman. She knows herself, her body, her sensuality, and she owns it. She does as much, or as little as she wants, with her mind, heart, and body parts.

Over time, we have seen women shamed for being sexual, attractive, showing too much, and using their free will to find satisfaction and actualization. From Mary Magdalene to Madonna, women who flaunt their sexuality have been labeled in derogatory ways and shunned by parts of our culture. Lucky for us, we live in a time and place that while a conservative and closed minded eye may glance our way, we have the right to express ourselves as we feel necessary. The term “Sex Positive” is defined as “an ideology which promotes and embraces open sexuality with few limits beyond an emphasis on safe sex and the importance of informed consent. Sex positivity is an approach to human sexuality regarding individual choices of consensual sexual expression which over time cultivate health and happiness as fundamentally good.” Given that description, would you consider yourself a sex positive woman?

This doesn’t mean that you MUST flaunt your sexuality. It does mean that you strive to know yourself as a woman and value your right and ability to chose how you want to use your body. Try to understand that a women’s sexuality is complex, multifaceted, and multidimensional. If you want to strive to know yourself better, here are some suggestions in becoming more self aware in terms of your personal sexuality as a woman:

1. Read a Damn Book

From feminist literature to anatomy, educate yourself in your own personal Sex Ed 101. I highly recommend Our Bodies, Ourselves, and anything from the following authors: Susie Bright, Naomi Wolfe, Betty Dodson, and Nina Hartley. Stay clear of pop culture women’s magazines that just focus on the value of a woman being to please a man. Make it your personal mission to read about your body, your mind, your sexuality, and your identity as a woman.

2. Spend Quality Time with Your Body

Every woman has a different level of comfort with herself. I have met women who are so disconnected from their own body, that they find it hard to simply be nude while alone. Sleep naked, take a long bath, and even take some time to look at both your body and your parts in a mirror. These are great ways to get to know your body better.

3. Masturbate

Yes. I just wrote that. Studies have shown that most men masturbate. In fact, an old joke states that 98% of men admit to masturbation, and the other 2% are lying.
Women are less likely to masturbate than men and even less likely to report it when asked. Why is it that it is so acceptable for men to know their body and pleasure themselves but not women? Masturbation is a way to know your body, understand what feels good to you for a later experience with a partner, and most important, for yourself. Orgasms feel good and knowing that you are fully capable to provide yourself with one is the epitome of sexual empowerment.

4. Celebrate Your Sexuality with a New Activity

Doing an activity to increase sexual self awareness can help build self esteem and self worth. Try taking a pole dancing class or a burlesque class. This may not mean embracing a new career as a stripteaser, but it may mean knowing your parts and movements better. I am a strong supporter of kinesthetic awareness, or awareness of your body. The mind-body connection is strong. When the body feels more empowered, so does the mind.

5. Stay Healthy and Be Fit

Keeping yourself in shape and optimal health is a great way to increase self esteem and feel good. The better you feel about yourself, the more confident you will feel about your sexuality. Get regular exercise, eat a balanced diet, and sleep 7-9 hours per night. Drink a lot of water and take a multivitatmin. See a doctor for a yearly physical and do not ignore symptoms of health issues. Reduce stress and reach out to outside sources when needed.

6. Write it Down

Journaling and writing is a great way to learn more about yourself. Whether you use a blank journal or have guidance from books such as About Me, learning to be reflective and self aware you help you get to know yourself better.

We are all on a constant and consistent journey to becoming our sexually sophisticated selves. The better that you know yourself and accept yourself for exactly who you are, the more likely you are to be satisfied in external relationships, your career, and overall, yourself.

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