The Bitter Truth about Resentment
Resentment eats us alive from the inside out and destroys our relationships with others. But, we are creating this resentment. That doesn’t mean we need to blame ourselves or feel bad. It just means we don’t have to keep doing it. In order to move forward and stop suffering with our thoughts of resentment, we have to dig deep to see the real causes. At the core of these will always be lack and fear. The issue is never another person or situation. The issue is something in us that needs healed. This is what resentment teaches us. If we are willing to look at what causes resentment in us, we will uncover the beliefs we have about ourselves that are not serving us in life, health and love. This is how resentment helps us. From that vantage point we can become aware enough to let go of the resentment we have against others now and not create more. That gives us room for more happiness, better health and more love. So, let’s take a look at the bitter truth about resentment.
Originating from anger that comes from the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations, resentment’s best friends are judgment and blame. The expectations come from our fears of not being loved and of being alone. For example, in love relationships, when someone didn’t do something you think they should have done, you resent them. Let’s say they work instead of watching a movie with you, or some other form of “not paying attention to you”. Thinking you are unhappy because of what they have done, you lash out at them with threats or berating or both. But, this situation has lack and fear written all over it. You need them to pay attention to you so you feel important because, in your mind, you don’t feel like you are good enough, or important (lack). You need them to think you are important because if you are important to them they won’t leave you and then you won’t have to be alone (fear). Can you see how our resentment is created out of our own fears, not out of the other person’s actions?
We always think there is some external justification for resentment, but there never is. Think of the people and situations you resent. Then, for each one, fill in the sentence below:
I resent ______________ for doing/not doing/saying/not saying (circle one)______________because they made me feel_____________________ which didn’t make me feel (choose from the list below).
Check all that apply. Add your own if needed.
| Secure | Powerful | ||
| Needed | Important | ||
| Happy | Valued | ||
| Intelligent | Validated | ||
| Special | Loved |
This is the reality about our resentment. We hide our fears behind the guise of resenting others for something, but the truth is resentment is about us. It’s about our beliefs about ourselves. Knowing the bitter truth about resentment gives us the space to begin healing from it. Awareness always opens us up to the possibility of healing and gives us the opportunity for a better life, with more love and support for better health.
The 5 Keys to Breaking Free
Love never causes resentment. That means for us to break free from resentment, we need to focus more on love than we do on our fears. This is a choice. The more we realize the beliefs and thought processes in us that cause us to resent others, the more power we have to change our old patterns of pain into free-flowing love. Below are 5 keys to help us along the way.
- Understanding is one key to breaking free from resentment. When we understand the origin of resentment, we are free to move into the healing stage. Understanding the origin means we need to let go of what we thought about resentment in the past.
- Willingness means we are open to letting go of the false reasons for resentment we have been clinging to in favor of reality and self-healing. Letting go gives us the freedom to focus our attention on what holds us back, separates us from loved ones and creates the pain we feel inside. There is no hiding here.
- Communicate means talk to someone and get assistance dealing with your fears. You don’t have to go through this alone. We all need a support system during our journey back to truth and healing. Stay focused on healing your fears instead of being angry or blaming others.
- Acceptance is a key in healing when we accept that all situations have occurred to get us to the point where we can see what is out of balance in us that needs healed. All is honored and all is divine. This is not always an easy perspective but it is a truthful one.
- Commitment to our healing means we own the root causes of the resentment and release the other person or situation from the resentment. When we do, we release ourselves. Our commitment to healing also means a commitment to love .¨ for others and for ourselves.
It takes courage to look at ourselves on a deeper level. It is not easy to uncover what is lurking beneath the fa‚àö√üade of the resentments we carry. Finding out the truth sometimes comes with shock, disbelief, crying and a release of long carried pain. Look for assistance when needed to help you through this process .¨ and it is process so be kind to yourself.
Left unresolved, resentment can become all-consuming, tainting every relationship we have, especially the one with ourselves. Continued resentment only brings us anxiety, anger, pain and suffering. We have the power within to change this. Our power resides in love. Letting go of resentment in favor of growth and inner truth is the fuel that propels us forward .¨ far from our old beliefs so we can align with that which is our birthright .¨ love and the experience of love.
