Who doesn’t dream of having a lasting romance? We all do, right? More importantly, we deserve it. Relationships are just like a career or running a business. They all require energy, input, and commitment on a daily basis to make them last.
Just like when you work with an employer or clients, at home you can’t afford to be lazy and neglectful of your partner’s needs and desires. No one wants to hear you’re tired all the time or too busy or some other lame and lazy excuse. We all want the fires to keep burning with our lovers in and out of bed. So how do we fan the flames and keep the proverbial fire going over the long haul when we’re also busy people with a million other things to worry about?
It doesn’t take much. Every fire requires only three elements to start and burn continuously. Air, fuel, and ignition. Let’s take a look at all three and how they apply to your lasting relationship.
We have to support and embrace our partners with positive enthusiasm, understanding, and by providing them space to breathe and room to grow. In other words, give them some air. Oxygen is refreshing and it’s essential for all of us to survive. Once refreshed, it’s amazing how exhilarating the reconnection process can be for both of you when you come back together again.
A couple who plays together, stays together. As much as possible, get outside and do something outdoors. Go for a walk, explore someplace new, walk the earth and get into adventures. Strive to build a personal relationship that fuels your individual professional lives, not the other way around.
When you support each other at home, it makes the long hours spent working much easier to manage. Think about those times when your relationship was on shaky ground at home and how challenging it was to go to work or run your business. Even if you or your partner travels for work or works long and tiring hours, it’s important to support your partner’s professional goals and dreams. Push each other forward and help each other grow. Always remember the positives and why you fell in love in the first place. Balance space (air) with closeness.
At the same time we are providing our partner some room to breathe, we also want to keep the fire of our love burning by adding fuel when necessary. Just as you throw another log on the fire when it burns down, you can feed your relationship fire by adding spice through attention, flirtation, and passion.
Sometimes it’s necessary to fan the flames a bit with a little extra effort or possibly a different source of fuel. Maybe you throw some paper into the fire for some quick flames. Maybe you throw some gasoline on the coals for some fast, intense energy. New outfits, experiences, or twists on old standbys are some of my favorite ways to stoke the relationship fire when it cools down.
In order to go the distance though, you will need to go for the longer, later in the evening, long distance burn by adding a large piece of hardwood. This is the key to maintaining long-term energy. The way this shows up in your long lasting romance is in the way you communicate and interact with each other on a regular basis. Consistency is key. Try to work through problems rather than letting them get worse by not addressing them. You will not always agree, but you can strive to be open to your partner’s perspective.
True love and passion doesn’t come around every day. Life is full of hook ups and casual fillers. Of the three elements required to start a fire, ignition is probably the easiest to provide and yet the shortest lived. For many people involved in a new relationship, it’s the most intense and addictive part of the equation. The burning hot passion that surrounds the first few months of a new relationship can consume us and make everything else pale in comparison.
When we meet someone new, sparks can fly immediately. It’s like striking a match; at first it burns hot and bright and with intense energy, but only for a moment. Once the energy is spent, it’s over. This is where having fuel to go the distance, with plenty of oxygen to support it over the long haul, comes into play.
For example, when you argue, remaining calm and collected is always the best approach mixed with a healthy dose of compromise. Don’t be afraid of being wrong and taking responsibility. We all make mistakes. Be strong, admit when you’re wrong, and try to do better so your partner sees your sincerity and effort.
Real love is built around commitment and mutual respect. Think of these three elements (air, fuel, and ignition) as the fundamental elements of your romance. Patience, empathy, understanding, and the ability to provide space for your partner feeds love’s fire. Don’t take your true love for granted, ever, or else you are going to get burned, guaranteed.