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Do You Talk Nice to Yourself?

Trained to Call Myself a Loser!

Most of what we think and say as adults is the result of conditioning or training received when we were little. As we grew up, the thoughts, opinions and issues of the people around us were downloaded into our brains like a program. We listened to the way they spoke to and treated each other, themselves and us. We received verbal and non-verbal messages by direct and indirect methods. If our parents didn’t have time for us, we got a message that we aren’t important or worthy. If we were raised by people who called each other names and yelled, we usually do the same. If your parents called you stupid, a pain in the ass or a loser, you most likely use these words against yourself and others today. We mimicked the words, attitudes and behaviors of life around us. That’s what kids do. Unfortunately, the majority of this training was negative.

Science tells us that of all the thoughts we have throughout the day, about 65%-75% of them are negative. This comes directly from our training. Our parents and caretakers passed on what was downloaded to them. There is no one to blame here. No one realized this was happening. Everyone was doing the best they could with what they were taught, just like we are doing today. But, now we have some new information. We have awareness. We can shine a light on this situation and see that we grew up taking on pre-established thoughts and opinions and today we act as if they are ours.

Growing up with a negative majority did not provide us with a model of upbringing that nurtured a positive self-worth and a strong sense of self-love so most of us don’t feel valuable or lovable. This leads to self-hatred and, what psychologists refer to as, negative self-talk.

Negative self-talk is directly connected to your inner critic and your inner critic is made up of the downloaded content. The inner critic says things like, “I’m such an idiot”, “I will never get it right” and “Everyone else is better than me”. The inner critic calls you names like loser, jerk and other names that cannot be mentioned here. We say low energy, hurtful words to ourselves so automatically that most of us probably don’t even realize we are doing it.

But, remember, the inner critic isn’t your voice so it doesn’t belong to you. That means the information contained in it also doesn’t belong to you. And the negative words aren’t yours either, they are someone else’s. It’s time to let them go.

The Energy of Words

Everything is energy. That includes thoughts and words. Negative, hurtful, fearful words have a low vibrational frequency. They produce discomfort in the body and unnecessary stress. You can think of them like concrete or immovable structures. They feel heavy to us and often get stuck in our energetic bodies. Additionally, low vibrational energy words have an unsettling feel to them.
They make us nervous, tense and edgy. Examples of low energy words would be hate, worry, lazy, hard, difficult, failure, and more.

By contrast, high vibrational frequency words are positive, healing and come from a place of love. These are words that are supportive, connecting and healthy for us. Examples of high energy words are love, beauty, joy, harmony, success, happy, peace and many more. Figure 1 below shows the characteristics of high energy words in contrast to low energy words.







Promotes health

Destroys health




Conditioned/Learned Belief





Fig. 1

Now you have an awareness of the frequency of words and thoughts. Watch your words and thoughts to see which column they fit in most often. When you hear the words that fall under the Low Energy Words column, change them to anything that is positive, nurturing, peaceful and healthy.

This is where your power lies to change your life. There is nothing you learned as a child that you cannot unlearn today and change into something better. In fact, it is our responsibility as adults to become aware of what works against us and the world and then to change it, shift it and transform it into something that works for us. You have more power to change your life than you have been led to believe.

Now you know.

What We Do to Ourselves.

We do to ourselves we are also doing to others and vice versa. This means that others are our mirrors for our own issues and if we have trouble identifying the low frequency words that we are using against us, we can listen to the words we use against others to help us hear them.

When you talk to people you love, what words are you using? How are you speaking to them and about them? Are your words nurturing and kind? Or are they demeaning and separating? Listening to this will give you a good idea of how you are speaking to yourself. Although you may use different words, the energetic frequency of the words will be the same .¨ either low or high.

Becoming aware of these patterns can help you break free from your own patterns. You can start anywhere .¨ listening to the words you use to describe yourself or the words you use with others. It doesn’t matter where you start, just start somewhere. You will get to the same place in the end .¨ relief from negative self-talk. You deserve that!

Become a Good Listener

The first step in speaking nice to ourselves is to become aware that we aren’t speaking nice to ourselves. Listen for your low energy words that you use against you. What do you call yourself when think you are having a bad day, when you think things are going wrong or when you are tired, unhappy or frustrated? When I did this a number of years back I was shocked at all of the words I used against me. I called myself some really nasty names.

Once you know what your low energy words are, make a pact to stop using these words against you. It takes practice, but you can do it. When you say something against yourself, take it back and replace it with something supportive or positive.

At the time, I didn’t realize the detrimental effect low energy words had on my life. When I stopped using such words against me and replaced them with high energy words, I was able to begin breaking free from the illusions that I wasn’t worthy or lovable. Feeling unworthy and unlovable were illusions because they weren’t my ideas about me; they were someone else’s. This made them unreal and being unreal made them an illusion. It is the same if you are applying these words to you.

As you go forward, branch out and listen to the words you are using with others. Are you using low energy words against people you love or people you don’t know? Make a pact to stop today and only use high frequency words towards others.

Finally, what words are you using around and against the children in your life? Are they words that exemplify self-worth and self-love? Are they words that are supportive, understanding and kind? If not, look for patterns in the words you are using with children. Make a pact to teach children that they are valuable, worthy and lovable. Teach them that all people are equally valuable and lovable. These are the words that allow the next generation to break free from self-hatred and fear. They deserve that as much as we do.


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