Afraid of Change
The thought of making a change in our lives often creates stagnation, instead of movement, or motion. In fact, we are easily paralyzed by the idea of doing something different than we have done in the past, and yet, deep within our heart center or soul self, we know we need to make a change. We need to leave the loveless relationship we are in, we need to get out from under the stressful job we don’t like, and we need to take better care of ourselves by slowing down and getting out of the rat race. But we don’t do what we know in our hearts we want and need to do. Why? Fear. Mind-created fear.
We are afraid of the unknown. We even have a saying for it, “Better the devil you know than the one you don’t”, as if all choices are hellish, but we’re better off with the hell we are experiencing right now instead of a different, future hell. That’s nonsense. Such sayings are the mantras of a mind meant to keep us paralyzed by fear, the motivation of which is rooted in the belief that we are not good enough. This is nothing more than a mind game. To win the game, we have to stop playing it. If your heart tells you a change is needed, make that change. Don’t let your mind stop you.
We are afraid of making a mistake. This is another mind game. No one makes mistakes. Mistakes are a concoction of the trained mind to keep us in a state of weakness and fear, validating the belief that we are inadequate. An example is leaving a job we don’t like, but being afraid that the new job won’t give us what we want either. We think limiting thoughts like, What if I don’t make enough money or What if I don’t like my co-workers? —any excuse to keep the fear going. We are paralyzed by the what ifs. We don’t have to be. Follow your heart, not your mind. You can’t make a mistake.
We are also afraid of what we will lose. The truth is, nothing can be lost, but to the trained mind we are already at a loss because we believe we are lacking in some way. With this thinking in place, we certainly can’t afford to lose more. And the distortion continues as the fear of making a mistake keeps us in a situation that is also considered a mistake. For example, being part of an unloving relationship will certainly be labeled a mistake by the mind. But within the same system, leaving is also a mistake. The mind-created fear story says, I know I need to leave, but what if I don’t find someone else to love me? The only outcome here is paralysis. Paralysis is stressful. We can break free.
Let’s be clear. It is not the heart that is afraid of change, it is the trained mind. But we are not the limited, fearful mind—we are so much more. We don’t have to follow the training. We have the power to listen to our heart’s wisdom and be free from the fear of change. The truth is, there is nothing to fear—it’s only our thinking that leads us away from this truth. Investigate this for yourself.
While we are afraid to change ourselves, we don’t mind telling others they need to change, and we will do it to the point of hating them for not conforming to our ideas of their life. I have done this myself. I remember telling my sister she didn’t need such a big house when she was buying her first home. I told her to be like me and have a smaller place that is easily affordable in case something happens with her income status. I told her she needs to put money in the bank, have money for travel or perhaps an emergency of some kind. I told her all kinds of things to try to get her to conform to my way of thinking. And every time she didn’t take my advice (unsolicited, I might add) or do what I thought she should do, I didn’t like her. I told my mother how my she wasn’t listening to me, as if I was the sensible one and my sister was being careless. This is the mind’s way of making me a hero and making her the villain. I even began resenting my sister. I hardly spoke to her as she carried on doing what she wanted to do, which was not what I wanted her to do. Madness.
The entire time this was going on, it was my mind running this scenario—not my heart. The truth is, when following the trained mind, we don’t know what’s best for ourselves, let alone for someone else. Wishing others would change is just a tactic of the fear-filled mind as it attempts to overcome its own creation. What I mean by this is that the trained mind is an unsafe place to experience life. Believing we are the mind and following its commands doesn’t allow us to do what we really want to do, so we feel out of control much of the time. In an effort to regain control, we think and act in certain ways. Forcing others to change so they conform to our standards in an attempt to feel better about ourselves is one of them. They are nasty tactics, but this is how the trained mind works. The truth is, no one has ever changed another person. If a person changes, it is something in them that is motivating that change, either fear or truth. Only that person knows which one is it.
A funny thing about the mind‘s idea of change is that while it might feel uncomfortable to be in our current, unhappy situation, it feels safer than the alternative, even if that alternative is truly better for us. But the mind knows nothing about how to keep us safe. In fact, there is no safety in the mind’s idea of our life because the mind-created thinker isn’t looking out for us, it’s looking out for itself—it’s doing whatever is necessary to fortify its ideas of fear. When we follow these thoughts, we don’t change what we want to change because we aren’t in control of our lives, the fear is. It’s time for a change.
Change, from the mind’s point of view, is a lot of work. This is one of the ways it makes change unattractive to us and keeps us complacent, stuck, and unhappy. From the mind’s point of view, how can we do more when we are already too tired from what we are doing now? Change seems like a monumental task. But this is nothing more than a distorted view of reality, which is the only view the mind could have. The truth is, change is natural to everything. It’s all that is ever really happening and we are completely capable of handling it.
Change isn’t something to fear. Change is who we are. Let’s look at this from a deeper perspective. We don’t often think of ourselves as subatomic particles, but when we look through the high-powered microscope, this is what we see. Amazingly, at this level, we are mostly nothing, just space. The little bit of matter in subatomic particles, and I mean very little, is constantly in motion. As human beings, we are, at our core, poetry in motion. This is the dichotomy of change. The trained mind keeps us from being who we truly are. To break free, all we have to do is stop following the mind.
To experience this poetry in motion on a more regular basis, we need to let go of the mind’s ideas of our lives and listen to our soul self—our heart center. This is where we align with changes that serves us well and create harmony, peace, joy, and improved health. Don’t get stuck in thinking that change has to look a certain way either. Changes manifest in many ways. Be open to the creativity that change brings. It might be a change of venue that is needed, or a change of people in your life, or a simple change of mind. No matter what, you will know which type of change is needed for each situation. Trust yourself and enjoy the new directions and experiences that change provides each one of us. Never fear—you can do it!