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The Narcissist’s Wake-up Call: How to Stop Narcissism from Ruining Your Life (and Everyone Else’s Too)

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PROBLEM: You need constant attention from others. You may find yourself speaking louder than others, always talking about yourself, exaggerating your accomplishments, and boasting, all of which are ways to make certain you are noticed regardless of what is going on.

EXERCISE: Over the next few days, pay attention to how you interact with your peers and friends. Notice how much of the attention of others is focused on you and what you do to make that happen. Keep a list of some of the ways you seek and maintain attention.

PROBLEM: You hurt and disappoint others, and, over time, they lose trust in you. In order to have healthy relationships and be a productive leader or employee, people must be able to trust you. However, they can’t do this when you hurt them with your words or actions. This habit might not be an easy one to admit because it is likely not your intention to harm anyone; you dream big dreams and believe things will turn out just as you imagined. But, if you are honest, you will see that most of your dreams are about your success and not the success of others. Many times, people who trust you come to feel disappointed and burned. And over time, you damage relationships with people who cared for you and believed in you.

EXERCISE: Make a list of people who used to believe in you but now seem resentful. How can you repair these relationships? What can you do in the future to show others that you care about and value them?

PROBLEM: People avoid you, causing you to miss out on valuable partnerships. As people get to know you, they are more likely to indulge you and put up with you than to really enjoy your company. This might not be easy to see because people tend to be polite. But you might notice that people break away from conversation with you as soon as possible and rarely ask you to collaborate. If so, it’s likely that you are turning people off rather than building a group of people who support you. In an age where collaboration is crucial, this is a deadly weakness.

EXERCISE: For one week, observe whether or not friends, colleagues, and family members tend to avoid you. Note their behaviors and look for subtle signs that they are not as engaged with you as you would like them to be. Keep a record of your observations.

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